I still miss you dad!

Years ago, there was a little girl whose father would drive her to school and pick her up every day. One day, it was past 5 p.m. and all her classmates had gone home. She was waiting for her father but he still hadn’t arrived.

“Where’s your dad,” the nun asked. “is he going to pick you up?”

“Don’t worry Sister,” the little girl replied. “I know my daddy is going to pick me. Maybe he just got busy with work”.

Back then there were no cell phones, just pagers and beepers. The little girl walked over to the phone booth and dialed the 5-digit number for her father’s pager. She sent him a message: “Daddy, please pick me up. It’s late and I’m scared and all alone”

After an hour, her father finally arrived. The little girl burst into tears.

“Daddy, why didn’t you come to pick me up?’’ she whined

“Sorry Baby,” her dad replied.” I had to work out of town and I couldn’t find a phone to call home and get someone else to pick you up. This will never happen again.”

The next day it was just past 5 p.m. and the girl was alone in school. There were only a few lights on and it was dark and as she sat by t he school gate waiting for her dad, she paged him a message:

“Daddy, , please pick me up. It’s late and I’m scared and all alone”

She decided to walk to her dad’s office. The office was a mile away but she kept walking and walking. When she reached the office, she went inside and found her dad asleep at his desk. She burst into tears and screamed, “Daddy, I hate you”.

Her dad wok up and hugged her.

“Sorry baby, I took a nap and accidently overslept. I was really tired and I was out of town all morning on business. It won’t happen again.”

When her dad dropped her off at school the next day, he asked, ” Do you still love your daddy”

The little girl said “ no I still hate you, better be there to pick me up in the evening”

“I can’t” Said her dad, “I’ll be out of town. The driver is going to pick you up this afternoon.”

The little girl just sighed and turned her back on him. She didn’t even wave at him as he drove away.

That night the little girl stayed up late waiting for her dad. At 2 a.m., she finally heard his car pulling into the driveway and she rushed downstairs to greet him.

All of a sudden, She heard a thud of sound.

Her mother was screaming. The little girl was in panic. She didn’t know what was going on. Her mother grabbed her and brought her upstairs to the bedroom. She held the little girl tightly as she called the hospital.

Later the little girl learnt that her dad had collapsed at the doorstep.

Years passed and the little girl grew up. She met a few boys, fell in and out of love, had a few relationships, but none of them ever worked out. Her friends all got married and moved away. Eventually everyone deserted her.

She lived alone and every night, she would call the 5 digit pager number. The number no longer existed. Pagers no longer existed. All she would hear on the other end was a busy tone.

But still she would dial and say “Daddy, please pick me up. It’s late and I’m scared and all alone”

Red Lipstick and a Perfect Stranger

Can i ask you a question, the stranger inquired, “yeah” i said, startled and confused about what, aside from a date, there is to ask a girl so urgently about.

“i can see your lipstick from across the room., Why are you wearing such a bright Red Lipstick.. Is it attention that you want?”

In my head you already had disgusted me with that thought of yours but i preferred to keep cool and replied “ i wear this red lipstick because i love wearing lipsticks and this is my fav colour, how do u care.”

The bold reply jolted the stranger, numb he choose to sit beside me. “What’s your story?” he mumbled. What kept confusing me was, if this was a conversation starter, he already ruined it.

But i couldn’t just ignore his questions that came as punches and somewhere i wanted to sass back and let him know it’s not how u always perceive things. The more he interrogated and the more i vindicated and it led us into greater conversations.

I don’t remember how being there at same time of the day became a habit for both for us.. All we did was talk to one another about things we probably had never said out aloud.. Don’t know when and how that stranger seemed to be a stranger no more.

“why do i like talking to him” “why does his being late for minutes also makes me insane” “is it infatuation” “Have i fallen for him?” – i did ask myself a lot of questions but being the kind of person i am.. Affable by nature but real demure when it comes to my feelings, i never even responded to self. But i guess the stranger had already played his charm on me and when i look back n think he was equally hooked.

I soon had become attached to this guy who made everyday feel like a new start of hope, reminding me of the red lipstick and how he visualises me with it every moment. He made me happy in a way which was beyond explanation. Those few hours of meeting him every day was what i started living for, everything else seemed secondary.

It was time – i had to be vocal and let him know how i felt for him, but being a bag full of surprises he was- he held my hand and confessed his love. Wonderstruck i sat there gazing into his eyes.. numb and restless at the same time. He just left me speechless. All i could do was clinch on to his hand.

And then it was when i heard a knock on my door, “wakeup my dear, it’s time to get up”.

It was so real

I saw your face

You touched my soul

And then you disappeared

Probably I am just a hopeless romantic who fell in love with nothing but a dream, and every night on my bed when i struggle to sleep i pray my Red Lipstick entices you again.

GOING HOME !!

The magical thing about Home is that it feels good to leave, and it feels better to come back.
– Wendy Wunder.

People say ‘Home is where your heart is’, so i must admit i have a home in all the places i get peace and reciprocation of love.

Home isn’t exactly a place it actually is a feeling. It is like a safe-house we know. Where you can be your true self and express what you have in your heart. I call people home for the fact that they accept and cherish me for who i am.. a person with love, flaws, insecurities, dreams, and much more.
Being a woman today,i still remember the time i moved out of my house just as a young girl 12 years ago. Shifted from one house to another, stayed as paying guest, shared rooms and flats. Got close to people, sometimes the experiences have been good and sometimes bitter. Yet i couldn’t call these places home.

I still wait for the weekends where i can get off and travel back to the place where i was born where my family stays, a place i call Home. Yes i have had my happy moments here and even bitter once.. Growing up with a sibling of almost the same age especially a brother can be tough at times, but as getting matured i learned that i couldn’t have had a better support or guide as him. Having a sister who is younger to you, you need to do things you know she would follow. Having a mother such as mine who is so strong a lady that people set examples of how i should grow up to be. Having a sister-in-law who is more than a sister and daughter to your mother and finally having a nephew seeing whom u forget the worries of the world and all you can do is just smile. I find home in my father, though I don’t have him in person anymore but feel him around me all the time.. Calling me the billi I was for him, being the wall of support I always want.. A heavenly feel I have protecting me.

I find home in my Boss, the fatherly figure, the mentor i have. Being guided, sharing my insecurities, hopes and aspirations and being taken care of.

I find home in Him, because he is there. Has been there since i know him.. through my ups and downs , my happiness and my sadness.. guided me as a mentor, joked around as friends, supported as a family, cared as a lover and fought as siblings.

I find home in my Dogs, because getting a hug or playing with them makes me forget the tiredness i ever had. Their eyes brimming with energy and love is all that one needs to turn a gloomy day into a bright one.
I feel places actually make no difference of what you call home. Home is where you have love and people who you would stand up for.

So for me going home is never an option, i am always home.

Fight Against Self!

I’ve been battling a war against myself for so long

A battle between my inner and outer self

Where I am trying to flee both parts of me

Fleeing internal grief hurts tremendously

Yet I must keep at it in order to sustain all I have now

And it pains me to hurt like this

In a battle I may never win

In a battle that may never end

I need someone to raise that white flag for me

Before I hurt myself any further

Before I leave any permanent damage

I need someone to rescue me

So I won’t have to go through with this any longer

Because it hurts me to fight myself like this

In a war I may never win

In a war that may never end.

Like why?

Often I ask myself why I have fallen for you; how is it possible I am in love with someone who isn’t mine.

But then I replay our interactions over and over in my mind.

The way you tease me.. Our playful fights.. The stupid inside jokes.. The way u look at me.. The way ur face brightens at me when I start blabbering..

And the answer becomes obvious. I am in love with you because you are my someone special. You are incredibly stupid and blind to others feelings.. But you are also talented and funny and immature in your own childish way.

You are not mine but our memories don’t lie. You are the one who read hearts to me.. You are the one who asked for a dance.. But you are also the one who is afraid when you get a chance. But seriously.. Like Why? 

To write about him!

I’ve always wondered how to write about something you love with no guilt of writing something so Chiche’.

To write about him as if he had put the starts in the sky, but what do you do when he is the Moon in the night sky.

How his face resembles the brightness of the moon and his eyes are the reflection of something so big yet so far away from me at night.

How the distance between us is nothing because I know he watches over me at night when I sleep, sometimes he disappears for a while and I long for him to come back.

I keep looking forward to the night after every long day knowing as much as I want him to embrace me into his arms and make me feel at ease, our fate had thought otherwise.

So I look out and let the moon touch my skin and hug me at night because that’s the closest thing to him, the Moon.

Long Distance Lover!

 

Lost is the girl
With the lonely smile,
She waits for her love
A long and weary mile.
He stole her heart
Before she’d even seen,
He’d be her prince
And she’d be his queen.
Though far away
She knows in her heart,
A connection between them
Cannot be torn apart.
Born to love him
All of her life,
She awaits meeting him
With no grief or strife.
Love brought them near
And will see them to the end
Together they’ll be,
Their distance time will amend.

Memories and Stains !!

As the water pours down my face, it washes away every trace you had in me.
It runs down the redness of my neck because of your beard,
It takes off the bite you had on my lip.

As the water pours down my shoulders, it removes the kisses you tattooed on my skin.
It defiles the poison that was in your words,
It puts distance to the closeness of our bones

As the bubbles turn into a foam, it takes away the burns that your whispers left.
of how wild and comforting it was to have you in my arms,
of how the destruction of us fizzled between twitching our palms

As the smell of shampoo caresses my hair, it fills the strands that you have taken.
The ones that were gone because of the intensity you spent pulling it backwards,
Holding it hostage between the spaces in your hands.

As I wash off the scent you left behind, I am standing upfront and uncertain.
Unsure of the feeling you incurred burning down my veins,
The scratches that was built on fleeting pain.

As I brushed my teeth, I am slowly removing all the dirt inside my mouth.
The taste of your lips bleeding roses inside my sin,
Latching to that scene when you flashed your sweet cold grin.

As I put on the robe, I remember how you slowly undressed my brain
Stimulating every portion- holding on to every thought and every inch.
Spouting eloquent lies that made my numb and stoic heart feel again.

As I slowly put on my jeans, I remember how you tore my hopes
Putting jade stained glances on my already devoid ideals
Making me believe that something can go beyond all of these.

As I button my shirt, I am looking back to who I was before I laid eyes on you
A lost soul wandering the world, looking to find comfort in the unfamiliar.
In someone else’s warmth hoping to explore an unchartered territory.

As I walk the pavement, I remember how you made me feel home
Taking away my loneliness, removing an eternity of sadness
Letting me believe such happiness i never thought I will experience

As I walk this path again, I finally admit to myself that I wouldn’t see you again
Accepting the aching feeling in my chest that like everyone else you are a stranger
Making me alive for a moment but giving me a slow and painful death
With all the memories that will linger.

_ Sonam Oberoi

What love does !!

I’m in love with what love does to people,

The way it could make people hear sounds they didn’t notice before,

The way it could make colors seem a little brighter,

The way it evokes memories through scents.

I’m in love with what love does to people,

It pushes one to want to kick off bad habits and be a better person,

It makes one to say “I am going to make it so we can have a better life in the future.”

It gives hope and encourages growth.

I’m in love with what love does to people,

It stops people from jumping off cliffs.

It makes one to finally take that first bite of sandwich after months,

It’s that tiny voice inside one’s head that say “You’re good enough.”

I’m in love with what love does to people,

It drives people to want to make the world a better place,

It inspires people to find the cure for cancers and diseases,

It fuels the passion of our brothers and sisters to fight for rights and freedom,

for people that they don’t know.

I’m in love with what love does to people,

and when I say that, I don’t mean just the pleasant things,

I’m intrigued with the way it makes people lose their minds,

The way it makes people give their hearts to someone else and say, “Here, take it.”,

as if it doesn’t belong to them.

I’m in love with what love does to people,

I’m enthralled with the way it softens a person but also, has the power to harden a person,

The way it brings down walls and melts stone cold hearts,

And how sometimes, the very same love,

could make one swears that they will never let anyone in again.

I’m in love with what love does to people,

because in spite of everything it does,

it only makes one to love even more through ways they don’t expect;

through the built up walls, barely healed wounds, closed up hearts,

wrong choices, deluded thoughts, one is still capable of loving again and again,

whether it’s by going all out or starting over with cautious baby steps.

—  Sonam Oberoi, I’m in love with what love does to people

Can We?

Saying you loved me, with that look in your eye,
I wish I could say it was a cold hearted lie,
I know that you love me, I know that you care, 
But the rage inside you, slowly flared.
I admit I’ve made mistakes, overstepping the boundaries, 
Which made me look fake.
I always said I would never do the things I did, 
And I know that’s why it’s so hard for you to forgive.
So many times we’ve said that we’d try, 
Just to turn around and make each other cry.
Remember how it was when we first started out?
We fell so hard, maybe fell in love too soon, 
At one point you’d notice ONLY me in the room.
We both did things we can’t undo, 
Now it seems our relationship is headed for doom,
And not that long ago, I was EVERYTHING to you,
Now you’re looking for other things to “do.”
I admit my mistakes, but can you admit yours?
I have paid for what I have done, as you’ve paid for yours.
So why is it like this? Why can’t we even talk?
You call me names and act like you don’t care, 
All a while, our love for each other is still there.
I never meant to hurt you or cause you any pain,
I know neither of us want to go through this same old stuff again.
I owe you so much, and I have so much to prove to you
But you continue to do things you wouldn’t want me to do
We always have these tears to cry,
And are left with all these wondering questions of why?
Why can’t we get past the past? You think I expect too much too fast, 
But don’t you want to become whole at last?
Why won’t you at least try to believe me, instead of pushing me further away?
I have these emotions, I wish you could see, 
Sometimes I get really upset, ’cause I feel you don’t understand me
Will you ever love me like you USED to? Show me the love that I ONCE knew?
The love that we both grew,
When will you see? I’m starting to feel like I hardly know you anymore? 
When can we go back to how it was before?
Will we still hurt if we heal? Or by that time, will we still feel?
My dreams of US does not look like it’s coming true, 
All I feel is sad and blue,
And I know you’re looking for other things to “do”,
You’re sick of me, and want something new.